April 24, 2012

Back from the dessert of Life

Well, I’ve been off the straight path of this journey for a few weeks now, stumbling along a very rocky uphill battle. There is nothing like losing to yourself, and then not having a plan for your next steps. After the contest I lost all balance in life, all I wanted to do was keep going to the gym, but eat as much junk as I could find reason for. I had lost sight of the end results, and was very lost in myself. My husband needed me, my daughter wanted my attention, and my body was fighting against me. I am slowly coming back to my senses in many aspects, but still struggle every day with making smart food choices. Through so much of this long journey I’ve struggles with restricting myself, and find that it’s so unrealistic in my daily life. But, moderation is the key to not restricting me, and when depression and desperation seep into the mix those two keys go right out the door. Now, I haven’t put all my weight back on of course, and have been getting in semi-regular workouts, but no weight loss has occurred. That’s hard!

So, what am I going to do about? I’m not done with this in any way, this is a lifestyle, and I have to learn to loss more and learn to maintain it. My first steps are figuring out a more family oriented workout schedule, one that doesn’t interfere with our lives, that is satisfying to me and to my family. I’ve found this to be hard for me, I have favorite instructors and classes and they are only offered at certain times and days. I’ve also found that guilt easily comes on when I miss a workout, and then excuse making as to why I don’t make up the workout when I have the time. This is all part of the journey, and I know I can get through the rough part of it.

I’m planning to run more often outside now that the weather is warming up and not raining. I don’t have warm weather gear though, so mornings are all I’ve got my mind on so far. I need a running partner to keep me accountable too. I’ve noticed I find it much easier to cop out of the workout when no one is there to meet up with. I’m also very focused on weight lifting, and hope to keep up a 3 days a week body pump/weight room schedule. My loose skin issues are continuing to be a huge battle for me, seeming to get worse each day in my mind, so the more muscle I can build around the skin the better. Running and muscle building will essentially suck the skin back in place after a long period of time.

I also want to plan more family time in my life that involves exercise! Swimming is huge for Julia, she loves the water and wants to go to the pool of a lot this summer. Hiking will also be something all 3 of us can do together, and then out very exciting start to spring/summer is gardening. My husband has started creating a garden for us to grow our food in and allow us to work outside on our yard all together! I find this very rewarding not only to my active self, but my frugal self too! My food battle will continue along with my emotions over stress and self-image struggles, but I won’t allow it to overtake me like it has in the past. Hoping to find more time to inspire all of you as well! Happy Spring time!

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