Week 9 weigh-in - Final results

March 23:
Weight: 207
Weight Lose = -7 pounds
Total weight loss = 37.6 pounds
BMI – 35.7
Body Fat % - 36.9%
Total body fat lost = 7.9%

Starting/Janurary 20:
Weight: 245.4
BMI: 42.1
Body Fat %: 44.8%


Target body fat – 27%
Target/Predicted weight – 179.8 lbs
***I didn’t get a chance to get my measurements this week after my weigh-in or take a picture, so I will post those in the next post tonight or tomorrow.***

For those of you who are not on facebook, I did not win the biggest loser contest. Originally after my weigh-in I became so excited for my results that I felt like I had already won the contest. I was in 2nd place, and due to win the second prize. As long as no one came in and took out the person ahead of me, I’d be the 2nd winner. Then, at noon I was informed that this is exactly what happened. Someone weighed in and had a higher weight loss percentage then the person ahead of me, taking me out of second place and into third. I was devastated. All the excitement I had for my results, for my hard work, just flew out the door. It was never conceived in my mind that I wasn’t going to win. I had worked so hard for the past 9 weeks, and felt like I had made a huge effort to make sure I was going to win. But, two people did better then me. I couldn’t even comprehend how to react. It was a complete loss of something important to me, and I went through all the stages of grief. I am still grieving, and lost a huge part of my confidence in myself due to this. It is no one’s fault, and I have to be okay with that fact that I didn’t finish first. I have to appreciate the work I put in, and see it for what it truly is - a success.

About 12 weeks ago is when I decided I was going to do this contest. I felt completely led by the Holy Spirit, that this weigh loss journey was not over and I had to complete something before going onto another path in my life. I kept feeling like this is what God wanted me to do, that I was to win the contest and have confidence in myself and my abilities. I knew the 50 pound weigh loss goal was an unattainable goal, but again it wasn’t just pulled out of thin air, it was from God. I began to read scripture on how my body was a temple and I had to treat it that way, and how anything I did I did for the greater glory of God. All of these messages came to me and made me see myself as someone who was going to take on this contest full force. Along the way I struggled, just like any journey, and so many people came alongside me to encourage me and lift me up to keep reaching for my goals. I slowly saw the ability I had to do the same for those in the contest who were struggling much more then I, those who were just beginning their weight loss journey. I ran next to them, told them my story, and gave them tips. I never once told someone they couldn’t do it, I just always made them see their abilities. By week 8 of the contest I had a support group of people who cheered me on, ran with me, encouraged me, and became closer in friendships then I had ever expected in such a short time. I ran a 5K, I worked out with professional athletes and trainers, and I did it all without stopping; complaining; or just not being able to do it. So, once the anger and sadness lessened from my loss, I realized something very important that God was really trying to teach me. I wasn’t in this contest to win; I was in this contest to help others and to find connections with people who needed my guidance and encouragement. I was guided into this contest not to win, but to lose and to see that I can make an effort so strong that other people will follow my lead. That this is how I should lead my life in all that I do, not just in my exercise and weight loss, but in my spiritual life; my family life; and everything that surrounds me.

I am not at a stage in my grief yet that I am content with my loss. Contentment will come, when I meet my own goals, but I am at a stage to see that I am a part of the win. That without me there, the winners might not have done as well. They might have still won, but maybe without such an effort. Maybe they wouldn’t be as please with how hard they worked, but with me there I set a fire under them and lead them to know they can push themselves into new directions in life and it will be rewarding.

So, where do I go from here? I cried about that too. I wasn’t sure at first; I didn’t know how to keep going without the prize and victory I had expected to follow me through the rest of this. But, the real prize came to me in forgiveness and love. These two things brought on such a huge emotional moment for me, that I realized that I can forgive myself and others and love all the hard work I have done without any conditions put on it. I can do this for myself and bring along those I love with me to make this journey even more rewarding. The real prize is at the end; this finish line, not in the middle. I am not done!

Goals:
I have so much more work to do, why would I think this what the end of the line? I have lose skin problems and I am not even at my goal weight. So, to the gym I go to keep on the path of making my body a temple. I posted at the top what my predicted weight would be if I hit my target BMI, giving me 28 pounds to lose still. That’s a good starting point for me I think. Let’s get to the healthy stage of this, and then keep going! I will work to lose 30 pounds (let’s just make it an even number) in 12 weeks or by my birthday (June 15th). This is 2.5 pounds a week, nothing I can’t accomplish already, right? I will NOT be going to the gym 4 hours a day for 6 days a week. Some days are going to be harder workouts then others, and I’m going to allow life to be in charge of what days those are. I might have to take a night off for family or allow myself some more rest. I’m not going to go at warp-speed this time, but I will continue to go just above the speed limit and find my own victory.

Goal Accomplished!

One day I put down on a list of things I wanted to accomplish this year that I wanted to run a 5K race, but it never occurred to me that I’d be able to do it like any other athlete could. I’ve never seen myself as an athlete, or sporty person, or even in shape. But, the last few weeks things have changed. My mind and body have gone through a transformation into this person who can put her mind to something and just do it (thank you Nike for that). And that is exactly what I did! I ran the 5K, faster then I have ever done it before, and without ever stopping to get a breath, some water, or to “tie my shoe”. I had no excuses to stop, I just kept going.

Last month I was encouraged by several friends, but one in particular to run the Shamrock run, and knowing that I was in the best shape of my life I thought about it, but was sitting on the fence. A few days later, my friend came up to me and said, “I’ll change my race to the 5K and run with you if you sign up.” Wow, that’s pretty powerful encouragement! How could I say no to that? So, there I was on the last day to sign up putting my name down as going to be running (rain, snow, or shine) in the 5K race.

About a month later I get my super cool green Adidas shirt and all the race accessories, and it all becomes a reality. I began to run outside a few times, and realize that “Hey, I can do that!” and then just days before the race I am finally able to just run a mile without stopping for anything. I’ve been pushed to become an athlete I realize, and that I am capable of running and that I am no longer the out of shape fat girl! It stirs so many emotions for me that I can’t help but cry off and on about it, but in the end I realize that I could never have changed that self image of myself without prayer and encouragement! God has blessed me with some amazing people in this journey.

The day of the race we get to the park and of course it’s freezing outside! I’m so cold I just want to run as fast as I can to get somewhere warm. We watched the 15K and 8K start, and then shuffle into the enormous 11,000 plus crowd for the 5K. I had a group of people cheering me on, and two great people to run with (as well as the Zumba party in my ears to keep me going!) I hit mile 1 and realized I did it again, just ran and never stopped, so I knew I could make it to mile 2. About a block before mile 2 I almost stopped, but all I heard in my head was “If I stop, I won’t be able to go again” because I knew I’d lose the confidence in myself, not the ability. So, I slowed a bit and then just kept going. I even passed up the water station! A huge hill (to me at least) to climb came just before mile 3, and I began to think about the finish line and wanting to find my husband. I envisioned being able to just run into a huge bear hug at the finish line, so as soon as we were down the hill I picked up my pace! I started to see people on the sidewalks, and looked up, but I had such huge tunnel vision that I couldn’t even focus on anyone’s face. I just hoped that he would see me. We crossed the finish line in a huge crowd of people and my legs were shaking, but I had this feeling that I could have kept going further. I wasn’t able to get that huge bear hug until a long search for each other, but I had high fives and hugs with my friends! That evening I found my race time and knowing that I ran faster and longer I was excited to see how I did. I ran the 5K in 36:06 minutes!

Now in my head all I can think about is how 3 miles is nothing, I’m gonna have to go longer then this next time. Jon and I joke that we’re going to do the 15K next year, so we can hear our names announced, and yes I’m going to have Jon run with me soon! No way am I doing this without him anymore, and I’m for sure going to run with great friends too! I can’t say thank you enough to everyone around me these days, life is pretty hard overall, but when you surround yourself with the right people life’s challenges can be much easier.

Week 7 Weigh-in

Weight: 217
Weight Lose = - 1 pounds
Total weight loss = 28.5 pounds

Bust: 43.5” – 42”
Chest: 39” – 38”
Waist: 38” – 38.5”
Hips: 47” – 45”
Total inches lost = 4 inches

This past week has been hard emotionally. I never once felt worried about my goals, but waking up in the middle of the week with an awful head cold/sinus pressure really threw me for a loop. I also felt pulled in many directions away from my workouts on top of the sickness, making me feel the need to shorten the workout. On top of all this I used these excuses to have extra snacks, and forget about the calories. These are all excuses, and I know I am capable of doing better. I also know that my body and mind needed a week with such a small number.

I’m excited for this next week; my running has really improved in the past 2 weeks, giving me some great accomplishments on the treadmill and outside. I actually began running outside when the sun came out on Friday, and I am going to try for 3 times this week to get outside before Sunday, which is the big 5K Shamrock race!

Some small accomplishments and excitements include the way my clothes are fitting, everything feels baggy and too big; my wedding ring is too big to wear when I workout now; and I have up coffee for 3 days to see how I felt! I ended up getting a small coffee late on the 3rd day though, I was lagging big time! 2 weeks to go!

What are we craving?

I have so many topics I want to share with you this week, so my first one will begin with cravings and avoiding temptations. This is one of my major obstacles in my lifestyle. The amount of time I spend at home gives way to many opportunities to snack or just plain eat all day long. I grocery shop a lot because of couponing, and that lends to a lot of samples in the stores and taste testing new items I bring home. I avoid most of the time very well, and am very honest with myself when I do not avoid those cravings. But, what am I really craving? Why do I feel the need to eat all the time? Where do those urges come from? Have you asked yourself these questions before?

I sat down recently and began to read some passages in my bible about such topics, and at the same time I gave myself time to really analyze my hunger cues and needs before I put food into my mouth. Even though foods can be eaten and we need food to sustain our life, many of those foods we eat and crave are no good for us. Even when we have them in moderation in can trigger us to crave more of these foods, and then get set back into those old habits. I’ve found this to happen to me very easily still. I have a hard time moderating myself with junk-like foods and end up eating more then I should have. This doesn’t mean I won’t ever be able to indulge in something some day, but I can’t seem to manage it just yet. I have my slips still, and the progress I have made is allowing me to make the mistake and move past it. It’s a hard see mistakes, but it’s also much easier lately to allow them to happen and not beat myself up about it.

Sometimes my cues are real hunger, but a lot of the times I am in the middle of the day and just want something more to eat. I’m sometimes bored, lonely, or anxious about something. My anxiety works in different ways, like sometimes I just want to get to the gym and not do anything else, but I have a list of things to get done before I can. Or, I am unable to do something on that list, so eating seems like a viable alternative. These are all difficult attitudes to change in myself, and I realized that the dedication of avoiding those triggers and temptations can make me stronger and once I conquer them I can be free of the negative actions I put myself through. But, I also believe that God is the only one who will completely free me of those attitudes, and left to myself I will not conquer them.

So, what are you really craving when you reach for the chocolate, the ice cream, the chips, or go through the drive-threw? Are you really treating yourself right with those choices? Are you being a responsible person for yourself and those who care about you? Think it over before reaching for it, and at the same time don’t beat yourself up over the poor choices!

Hitting the wall and making it through

Why is it on our weight loss journey we have to experience such a difficult time with so many emotions? I watch it every season on The Biggest Loser, where contestants hit a wall and then suddenly break down with emotional pain and make a huge break through, but I suppose I thought I’d already done that. So, when that wall hit, and then the pain, and now the break through came I was not in any way ready for the turmoil it would bring on.

My wall came on when I had only a -2 for last week’s weigh in, and I just couldn’t get past the disappointment. Then, I began to make poor food choices, not completely abandoning my diet, but just didn’t think clearly about what I was eating entirely. Two days like this, and then birthday cake hit me hard! Yes, birthday cake was my ending point in poor choices. I completely fell to the temptation of frosting and fluffy goodness. Doubt and guilt began to creep in to my thoughts, taking over my ability to think clearly, communicate, and even process my feelings. The lack of self-control I had made me feel incapable of success, that I could not accomplish my goals anymore. I then, for the first time, had negative reactions and attitudes while in a church bible study, and knew that I was overcome with evil trying to break me down! I finally had to cry really hard, realize what was going on with me and after about a day of facing the emotions head on I got myself back into the gym and began to work off the heavy burden I had felt for 4 days (and the extra calories).

So, why did the wall come up in the first place? It’s hard to explain when we will hit a wall of frustration and lack of focus, but it will always come on. I think for me, the dedication of entire focus on weight loss and exercise is something I have never fully done. My focus has always been split on other tasks and responsibilities in life. That’s not saying I am 100%, like they are on The Biggest Loser ranch, but my family has lost time with me and many of my mom/wife daily tasks have taken a back burner to that of exercise, calorie counting, and a mind/body overhaul! I think this is what brought on my wall of emotions. That green monster in my head that has always kept me overweight and filled with depression and lack of energy reared it’s ugly head to tell me it wasn’t going away so easily, and I had to find a way to kick it’s butt back against the wall and say “No, I am going to WIN!” Today and every day is a struggle. I struggle with temptation of foods, temptation of doing something other then making it the gym, and temptation of listening to those negative thoughts that find away around my will power. I will conquer my temptations! I will win this battle! I will lose more weight, and will continue to be a healthy, productive person always!


To keep me focused I’m signed up for the Shamrock Run in Portland on March 18 for a 5K run. Not only is this motivating, but I have people running with me – to encourage me and keep me going through the race! Right now, I am running/walking a 5K in about 50 minutes, and am working on getting my time down to 40 minutes, and aiming to make my time in the race 35 minutes! That’s about an 11 minute mile! So, let’s get moving and run!

100 pound milestone!

Current Weight: 232.5
Total weight loss = 100.5 pounds!

WOW, I did it - I lost 100 pounds. It feels so good to know that I went from my heaviest weight and lowest point mentally to this amazing feeling in my life now. Now, I am by no means finished here! I'm not even in wonderland yet (in the 100 pounds range). I have work to do, and I have to keep it at a slow and steady pace. My primary goal at the moment is not to lose a huge amount of weight actually - I am in the process of trying to get pregnant you see, and my body needs to learn to maintain now in order to be ready for a 9 month change! I'm so exhilarated to have reached this goal before becoming pregnant, and feel so ready to take on the next phase.

Here are some of my goals to keep me going every day...
I will keep exercising like a mad-woman!
I won't over-indulge in food and junk!
I will keep a healthy and low budget meal plan for my family.
I won't over-eat due to stress!
I will find outlets for my emotions!
I won't forget to stretch!
I will run a 5K in 2012!
I won't let pain get in my way!
I will love myself!
I won't criticize myself if I make a mistake!
I will keep on fighting!

Photo of Me (on the left) and my Workout Buddy Candice

Here are some of the ways I hope to keep going in my exercise...
The gym: I of course don't see any reason I'd ever give up my passion for exercise, and that passion is strong when it comes to my group classes. Zumba, Body Combat, and Body Pump are 3 of the main ways I burn calories and keep my body moving for an hour or more each day!

Everyday life: I have a 3 year old, so let's face it I'm always on my feet! I take walks, many, many walks to the park, the library, or just around our town. I work in the yard, chase the dog, and kick a ball around! We go hiking, or trail walking often. Special days include trips to the Zoo or OMSI, or any other amazing children's activities we have in our great Pacific NW! We love farmer's markets, and work in our church gardens. I'm always cleaning something in our house, climbing the stairs, or just plan scrubbing! I rarely stop, and that's all before I make it the gym in the evening!

The Future: I hope to be pregnant soon, and that comes with complications to weight loss and extreme exercise. Of course with a normal pregnancy you can do just about the same routine as before, but as many of you know I won't be having a normal pregnancy. Due to my previous pregnancy I will be watched very closely, as well as have a low impact rule applied to me for exercise. My plan already includes adding in water Zumba once a week, and with my increased weight loss since the doc since last saw me I'm hoping I will be able to keep up on a moderate level of Body pump (weight lifting) and some Zumba and Combat. If all else fails, I'll just sit on a bike, walk on a treadmill, and use the elliptical as much as I can to keep active and healthy!

BRING ON THE NEXT STEP OF WEIGHT LOSS!

Pain is only temporary!

Yesterday I had my double class day at the gym, and this morning I am feeling the results of those 2 hours! I had such a difficult time during those 2 hours. The little devil on my shoulder just kept telling me how nice it was outside and that I should go home and spent it with my family, eat dinner and don't worry about your workout today. But, I knew it wasn't the real me talking. I knew I needed to be in the class and focused. I still compare myself to the other people in the gym when I'm there. I hate that I do this, but it's inevitable when you have spent most of your life doing this behavior. I can easily look at a picture of myself now without cringing and see the amazing results of all my hard work, but at the same time I look at myself in the mirrors along the wall of the group X classroom and I see the work I still need to do. I see flabby arms and thighs, and abs that still aren't sucked in all the time, and I feel the pain my knees and feet have been through from being over weight overtime. I know this can be counterproductive, but in the middle of an intense workout in can also motivate me. I can't let that devil on my shoulder get me away from my goals. I have to remind myself that less then 6 months ago I still struggles in these classes, and now I am up front working it out with all the "skinny" girls!

When I woke up this morning my body hurt everywhere. My toes hurt, my butt from 145+ lunches and 14.5 pound squat lifts, my shoulders hurt from push-ups and numerous other exercises, but then as I drank my coffee and watched the latest episode of Extreme Makeover: weight loss edition I realized the pain is only temporary, the transformation is not! I am so blessed to have the people in my life who are there every day to help me get through this transformation. My husband and all of my family, the amazing instructors and trainers at the gym, and so many of my new friends at the gym all support me 100% every time I walk into that gym!

Quick Check in

Well I haven't been updating a lot, and really do not have any real reason as to why. The inspiration isn't there anymore to write, I'm just focused and working hard all the time. I am trying to find some more ideas to keep all the motivation and inspiration going for you and myself. I recently saw a sport injury doctor because I have been battling with knee pain for about 2 months and started having shoulder pain too. After a complete check-up without any scans or x-rays it appears I only need to stretch better! I have very tight calf muscles and an old injury to my shoulder has caused some remolding to the area that will need some extra TLC and stretching.

Since beginning Body Pump about 4 weeks ago I've been watching my body transform. I've lost some pounds and my waist, arms, and shoulders are really changing. I am not seeing a lot of change in my butt or legs, so I will need to focus more there.

My Current weight is 236, which means I've lost 6 pounds since March. Not a huge lose, but still a lose. Since my diet has change so much back into a very budget friendly one I've had to reteach myself how to portion control high fat foods (because unfortunately high fat foods are less expensive). I'm learning more tenchniques on cooking completely from scratch as well, which is helping lower sodium levels and allowing me to have more control over what goes into my body.

Hoping for new cross trainer shoes for my 30th birthday! Watch for stretching/yoga moves to help with muscles pain along with some diet and health posts.

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

I recently finished reading "Believe it, Be it" By Ali Vincent, the first Woman Biggest Loser. The book was such an easy read, and most of it was back story on herself. But, the end of the book is about how to stay within your healthy lifestyle once you get there. One thing I have never done before it sit down and really write down and analyze how I became an obese person. This was one of the first tasks that trainer Jillian Michaels gave the contestants on the show.

Write down 2 questions. 1: Why are you here? 2. What do you want in life? This struck me to the core of my heart this past week. It hurt to have to think about all the past reasons why I became over weight. I didn't start writing it down until I could move past the depression that over took me. I face those same issues almost daily. So I've finally have them written down and ready to share with you. They are very generalized, but open for my own discussion in my head.

Why are you here?
- Emotional eating
- Depression & anxiety of the unknown and uncontrollable
- Being hurt by others and not moving past the pain
- Guilt over hurting other people
- Addiction to food
- Lazy
- Selfish – always asking other to do things for me that I could do for myself
- Fear of judgment from others and self
- Not taking the time to find who I really am and want to be
- Excuse making

What do you want in life?
- follow God’s path 100% of the time
- My children to choose the lord for their life and follow my lead in life
- to be debt free
- to be satisfied with what I have and am
- Become a runner & race
- To be a role model for my children and others around me
- Have control over my emotions and find healthy outlets for them
- To take time for myself
- Celebrate my relationships and the loved ones around me all the time
- To be organized

My Challenge to you is to do the same thing for yourself. Write out your Bucket list of how you want your life to be when you are no longer holding onto weight that holds you back.

They just don't get it

I had someone tell me I couldn't have something the other day because I'm on a diet (trying to joke with me). But, I just rolled my eyes and said it's a life style change. But what this really brought to the forefront of my mind is that some people just don't get it in life. Not just this person, but so many people who tell me they are "proud" of me but don't even know me. Yeah sure I lost of a lot of weight, and still have a whole heck of a lot of weight to loose, but I didn't do this for a number. I do what I do day in and day out because I am making a change in my lifestyle. I am becoming a more balanced, happier, and healthier person! I don't eat amazingly low calorie diet foods, I don't starve myself, and I do lead an active lifestyle!

Defeating my Weight is about defeating the stigma of obesity! I have amazing endurance, stamina, and strength, but the numbers say I'm still obese. Who cares! I work out now not only to lose weight, but because I enjoy it! I enjoy the competition that I set up in my head, staying focused, and the release of stress that the 2 hours a day at the gym gives me.

There are plenty of times I do restrict myself from eating something, especially when I was doing the biggest loser contest at my gym, but it's not about a complete restriction - it's about moderation. Maybe I've eaten great all day, and have a slice of cake in evening, that's ok! Maybe I didn't eat so great all day, so I don't eat that cake. That's ok too!

I am happy, I am healthier, and on my way to having the body I want and am in control of!

Body Image and Exercise

If you have been reading, you may have noticed I haven't been weighing in each week since the Biggest Loser contest ended. That would be because my scale broke just days before the end of the contest, and I have been without one since. I'm planning to buy a new one this week sometime, so hopefully we will see where I am.
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What I'm about to share with you is one of the hardest topics for me to talk about, so please be aware that I am using this post to help heal and become more knowledgeable about my needs in weight loss.

Tonight I'm going to sit down with one of the trainers at the gym and ask a few questions. My main question is going to be about lose skin and arm exercises. One of my major areas of my body that I am the most self conscious about are my arms. Ever since I started gaining weight (right about after puberty hit) alot of fat/muscle developed in my arms. My arm muscles developed very quickly and without sustaining that the muscle quickly turned into flabby arms. I've dealt with this since I was a teenager! It would really bring down my self-esteem too. When I gained the most weight after giving birth my arms continued to get worse, and became even larger. As I began to loose weight the fat in my arms decrease and within the last 3-4 months I've noticed a drastic change. I have more muscles formation and less fat build up, but at the same time I am still dealing with loose skin and flabby arms!!

So, my focus will be working on ways to decrease my arms! I want to be have a positive body image, and am feeling that image grow in me every day. I do not feel shame about (most) of my body and can wear clothes and styles again. I have taken back my life, not just the physical realm, but the activities and the joy that surrounds us every day!

I will post the results of the chat with the trainer tomorrow!

Changing the Whole Person!

As I look back at my weight loss journey I notice such an amazing change in myself, and it made me think that many people who are just beginning their journey or maybe are in the middle of it but haven’t changed need to begin to recognize the triggers and emotions that have caused us to be obese and out of shape. This is one of the many reasons why I watch the Biggest Loser on TV, because they don’t just focus on the outside – exercise and diet, but on the emotions and the situations that put us in the position in the first place. It’s so important to begin to look inward at yourself and begin to reexamine your personality and lifestyle when embarking on major weight loss.

I have a difficult time recognizing what has changed in me and what needs to be changed, though I can easily look at others and see what they need to work on. Isn’t that so true for so many of us? But, this blog is not about me telling you what needs to change, it’s about telling you what I have changed. One thing that comes to my mind is that I’ve chosen not take the easy way out. I work hard every day and stay focused on weight loss 24/7. I have my slip ups and many temptations around me, and for that I pay in slowing my journey down. There are no short cuts in weight loss. I believe whole heartily that gimmicks do not pay off in the end. What I’ve experienced through myself, others, and through experts is that counting calories and having a steady exercise plan is what will give you the ultimate success for the long haul.

So what was the easy way out for me? I can make a huge list of tricks I have learned through my yo-yo diet career. Some of them may work for some people for a quick fix and maybe even for a lifestyle change, but they sure did not help me. My easy way out in life before this journey began was the drive-thru, take-out, and choosing not to prepare my own food. Ultimately not seeing what went into preparing my food gave me a free pass not to care about what I was ingesting. You can eat at Subway, Chipotle, or any other healthy food franchise, but take charge of what you are eating. Watch what they put on your food; know the portion of sauces and ingredients that go into your meal. Just by adding cheese and mayo to your 6 inch sub could equal the calorie count of a whole other sub! When I began my journey I did not choose to stop eating out because of my diet, it was purely because of finances. I love to eat out and it took me a long time to realize that home cooking is so much more rewarding and fulfilling then anything I can get at a restaurant. The easy way out for me also structured around asking others to do things for me that I could do for myself, and I still struggle with this selfish behavior. Ultimately, I believe that I will conquer these problems. I left cooking up to my husband (who already had a strenuous day at work) and most of the time didn’t care for our home. A lot of these issues arose for me during my stretch of depression, and coming out of the behaviors really was the starting point for coming out of the depression.

So many people lose weight and gain weight over and over again in their life, but never choose to examine their personality and the causes and triggers of their weight gain. Many of us have to completely makeover out personalities and our bodies before the transformation can be complete and maintained for the long haul. I had to come out of my depression and selfishness to find a place where I could succeed, and have to work on changing those deeply ingrained traits on a daily basis. Some people have to focus on guilty emotions or an arrogant disposition, and others may have to gain strength and courage in them to conquer their long journey of weight loss. You will not succeed at something as important and difficult as weight loss if you do not completely change yourself inside and out.

The Final Push...of the contest

During the middle of the Biggest Loser Contest I began to feel as though I wasn't in a contest and that my body just wasn't going to perform the way I wanted it to in a short period of time. But, these last 2 weeks I pushed my body further then I had been and realized that I want to win this contest more then anything right now. I want to feel the joys of victory, and know that my efforts are recognized. As I'm writing this I am close to tears, because I know how hard I've worked and it means something to me in the end weather I win the contest or not. But, at the same time not winning may bring on a sense of doubt upon myself.

I have been taking Zumba and Body combat twice a week each for almost the entire time of the contest, and have felt the change in my body from these classes. Outside of group exercise I take the Biggest Loser Fitness class where the trainers put us through a rigid routine of weight training, cardio, and serious calisthenics. When I'm working out alone I put myself through the same routines, run on the elliptical as fast as I can for as long as I can (usually 30-45 min) and at the end of each day my body is screaming in agony from the rigorousness of those exercises.

I am praying today, exercising, and watching everything that I may eat or drink. This is the end of a short journey, but not the end of my journey. Please have me in your thoughts today and into tomorrow morning as I pray that this prize is there for me.

Just 10 more Pounds to 100

This week already feels like it's going to really be exciting, hard, and be a sprint for the finish. I am so excited for the next chapter in my weight loss journey. I would like to tell you why I am moving into another chapter soon.

About a month after Julia turned a year old I was still at my heaviest weight and gaining. We did not have a handle on our finances or our health. And trust me, the two go hand and hand in my opinion. I went into the doctor for my "yearly girl exam" and saw the real number in front of me. Now here's the truth telling that people need to hear - I was at 333 pounds. My body was hurting all the time, and my mind was filled with self loathing and depression. Just days weeks later Julia began to walk! Wow, such a micircle to watch her grow and develop from all the struggles she had to overcome. I can't say that this moment was when I realized I needed to lose weight or that my fog of depression lifted, because it wasn't. But God slowly took me out of this fog by allowing me the ability to slowly lose just a few pounds (from chasing after my now running child) and noticing the difference in my body. About 3 months into Julia's walking I began to realize that my body would feel better if I lost this weight. My clothes were fitting a little better (although still the largest size I had ever worn) and some people even noticed.

Now, in January of 2010 is when my real journey began and started this blog and I was truly lifted out of the depression. I was now almost 30 pounds lighter without even trying. I began walking every day with Julia through our town (about a mile a day) and started using my Wii fit. I began to feel better. We then began to take control of our finances and not eat out or buy expensive junk food. This made a huge impact! If you read through the archives of 2010 you can see the journey unfold and my weight begin to shed off of me. I was smiling more, talking to people more, and participating in my life once again.

So now here we are in 2011 and I am 10 pounds (give or take a few oz) away from losing 100 pounds! It took me a year and half to reach this point, but it was worth the hard work, dedication, sacrifice, and especially the amazing relationship I developed with the Lord and myself each day I accomplished something.

I will continue to keep working, because though I may be healthier and fitter I am still at an unhealthy weight and have another long journey towards that healthy weight I want to find. My goals will change, my outlook is stronger, and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Overcoming Bad Habits in your thoughts!

I had such an amazingly hard day toady, filled with emotions and really hard thoughts about myself. I won’t go into the exact stuff that caused this, but I notice the ugly green monster attack me when I am most vulnerable – the time when I felt safe and secure in who I am becoming. In these moments I suddenly feel myself slip into the dark place that I once was, and begin to question how strong I am and successful I have been. I focus on the mistakes that I make instead of all the success I’ve had. This is such a hard ingrained behavior to ignore, and to not give into. But, over time I’ve become more aware of the problems that arise with these thoughts and moods that overcome me, and have been able to recognize the anguish that I put myself through. Today I wallowed in the pity for the day, but instead of over eating and becoming sluggishly depressed I overtook the mood and kept to my routine. I managed not to buy fast food because it was easier; I made it to the gym for 2 hours of exercise; and came home and smiled instead of cried. I did all this through with the strength I have given myself in my journey and through my faith that as come on strong to fight off those evil thoughts and dark places I use to dwell in. I hope your journey allows you to walk away from the green monster and smile back in victory!

Best of #10

Last night and most of yesterday I had a highly emotional day, for no good reason really, and felt the pressures of stress really wear me down. The things is though that it didn't take me out of the game. I ate a little more then I should have, went off my meal plan some even, but I still did my house work with some grumbling, and then did my 2 hours at the gym. A year ago I would have fallen apart for more then just an evening - I would have gone into the deep end of despair. That says a lot to me, that I've began to recognize my signs of stress and push through it.

This post today is about foods that can help out body deal with stress. I've included these foods into my life alot and I can only imagine what they will do for you! Try these foods out this week when you're feeling a little to much stress.
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Posted on June 12, 2010

4 foods to help defeat your stress!

So what type of foods make you feel less stressed out? I have a lot of emotional foods that I turn to when I am stressing out. But, most of the time these foods are not going to benefit my weight loss. Most people turn to chocolate, salty or fatty foods, and some people even stop eating; which can also hamper weight loss.

You may be surprised to learn that there are foods that you can turn to when you are feeling stressed out and overwhelmed that will promote belly fat weight loss. I will share with you 4 foods that will help you fight stress without taking you off the path of your weight loss journey.

1. Fish: Studies have found that an increase of Omega-3 fatty acids in your diet can help calm your nerves and get rid of anxiety. So make sure to include an ample amount of healthy fat in your diet to help control your anxiety. I tend to lean towards white fish for the cheap factor, but salmon is one that will give you this in an ample amounts.

2. Spinach: The mineral, magnesium, found in spinach, helps to decrease the effects of stress on the body. Consuming about three cups of spinach daily, about 40% of your daily need of magnesium will help to control your blood pressure during stressful events. This is so helpful when you are adding stress on your body as well during your exercise programs too.

3. Oatmeal: Oatmeal is FULL of Vitamin B, which helps to produce serotonin in your body. Serotonin is an essential neurotransmitter that sends calming signals to your brain. Oatmeal is also a complex carbohydrate, thus the slow digestion of oatmeal provides for the steady production of serotonin in your body and the steady calming of your nerves. This can be especially beneficial to those of us who deal with mild – severe depression, and can boost your levels early in the morning before you have taken anything other supplements or medications.

4. Chocolate: Yes – I’ll let you have a small amount of chocolate, especially since the cocao boosts the levels of neurochemicals in your body. I’ve said this before that this journey we are taking is not about eliminating things from our life, but learning to have them in moderation and allowing you those little pleasures. These neurochemicals produced by chocolate help the brain produce the feelings of happiness and relaxation. However, don’t over-indulge with the chocolate – just a few squares of dark chocolate are all you need to relax and smile. Another side note on the chocolate, don’t just go to the convenience store to find chocolate, go to a nice chocolate store, Godiva; See’s Candy; or even a local candy shop in order to find something to keep around for those stressful times.

These foods will help during those unexpected stressors in our life come out and hit us in the head, but they can also help during those times we know are coming. Such as, holidays and birthdays, our monthly PMS week, a change in your job schedule, the night you have to write out your bills, and even on a rainy day that you wish could have been better. Enjoy your foods and use them to your advantage instead allowing food to get in the way of your weight loss.

Weekly Weigh-In

Weight: 258.6

Total Weight Loss: I’ve lost -.4 lbs since my first weigh in on January 15th. I’ve lost 49.3 lbs since January 1, 2010.Last week’s weigh-in was not posted (I forgot) but I had gained back my water weight from the flu (about 4 lbs/263) and this week was playing catch up to lose that weight and then some. So, I’ve lost 4.4 lbs this week, which is what I’m looking for, but since it was due to weight gain it was not an exciting number. I spoke with a trainer about where I’m getting stuck, and he suggested shocking my system with a cleanse since I’ve been in this plateau for awhile, and he also said that I should see my doctor and have a physical/blood work to rule out any problems physically (primarily my thyroid). So, that is where we are at folks…hoping for a more successful week coming up.

Discouraged, but not giving up!

It’s week 2 in the Biggest Loser Contest and though I’m feeling confident in my workout routine, I felt major discouragement yesterday when seeing that many people lost weight the first week (and many gained or stayed the same). But, after venting about all the things I see wrong in my weight loss last night to my wonderful husband I feel more stable with my situation. I am in a contest, and maybe that is causing a little more stress to lose faster, but for the most part I’m hear to change my lifestyle and have already made huge strides in doing so. Just yesterday my daughter wanted grapes over anything else; because she’s been exposed to healthier foods then she would have if I was still a junk food junkie. I feel good about that!

Here’s a quick rundown on my vented feelings, so that everyone knows we are all in the same boat.
- I didn’t lose weight last week even though I worked out 6 days in a row, kept my calories down under 1,500 a day, and drank plenty of water.
- I’m still wearing the same sized clothes as I was 30 pounds ago! I’ve only dropped down 2 pant sizes since losing 49 pounds!
- I really want to eat more, and though I’m trying not to not to deprive myself of any certain foods I am trying to change my cravings/desires/pallet into wanting the healthier stuff over the junk food (i.e. – Ice cream, popcorn, taco bell 5th meal)

So, there you have it. I was feeling pretty down last night and if someone had put a temptation in front of me (like taco bell) I may not have been able to turn it down! Though Jon did eat the last of the ice cream right in front of me, I have to thank him for doing so. Because I may have eaten it today with some good qualifying reasons.

So, I may not win the 3 week challenge, because I may be putting on more muscles around my body, but I have to remember that slow and steady will win the race, and there will be a week where I have huge results. I just have to give myself a little more faith!

Tuesday’s Daily Calories: 1,535
Tuesday’s Daily Calorie Burn: 736 (estimated)

Monday’s Daily Calories: 1,384
Monday’s Daily Calorie Burn: 1,150 (estimated)

Best of #9

Stress is such a huge part of our daily lives and sometimes it takes over our mind and body (especially). This past post doesn't have any tips or helpful thoughts, it's just a reminder to you that we all have a hard time. I'm having a hard time even this week, only 2 weeks into the new year. Let's refocus on our goals, and remember to simplify your life instead of complicate it.
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March 06, 2010

Help me De-Stress!
Ok, so apparently I didn’t get the message that I gained weight yesterday since I baked chocolate chip cookies tonight. I only had 2 cookies, but it’s just not something I should be eating. I know that this journey is not suppose to completely restrict me from enjoying life and all that it has to offer, but I feel guilty for eating them. I should be proud that I only had 2, and that I didn’t sit and eat the whole bowl of batter instead.

I’ve noticed that my stress tolerance is much lower the past few days and that usually leads me to eating and stress is a huge factor with your body holding onto fat instead of allowing you to shed it. It can cause blood pressure increases, headaches, fatigue, and digestion problems. I’ve probably had all of these issues this week, so I need to distress some how. My at home exercising doesn’t seem to be allowing for the distressing that I need at this point, and I’m not sure where I can get it from. Some people drink, I usually eat, so I need to find some better coping mechanisms. I love to scrapbook and usually it’s a great outlet for me, but I’m at a pass in that road for the time being as I wait to pick up new photos I’ve printed. So, any suggestions followers?

Other things I’ve been trying include cleaning, sleeping, longer walks, zoning out, baking and not eating all the food, and of course the useless crying jag. I might go track down my knitting and try to finish the baby hat I started in the hospital 2 years ago.

Life getting in the way!

Life has gotten in the way again of my goals. I’ve had two days without the gym now and I know to most of you that sounds like nothing, but for me to stay focused I have to stay consistent. I can’t go off track even a little, and sometimes I’m just going to have to admit defeat in that area from time to time. Monday I had a birthday party to go to, and by the time we got home and put Julia to bed I was so tired I fell asleep on the couch until midnight. Since I had made it to the gym Sunday I didn’t feel super horrible, but I did miss a day of my 30 day challenge. That gave me some guilt. Then came Tuesday, and I had some out of the house work to do (babysitting) all day and had a very frustrating time attempting to get Julia to take a nap in a place other then her own bed. (Took all my energy!) So, by the time I was headed home I was so mentally fatigued that I could barely talk. My amazingly loving husband was fabulous – he made dinner, took care of clean-up, let me fall asleep off and on all night long, and even gave Julia her bath and did most of the bed time routine. Again, I missed the gym and my 30 day challenge. I was so drained I couldn’t even find the energy to stretch! I went to bed early, slept the entire night, woke feeling rested for the most part, and am ready to find the strength today. For the days that are hard I’m really going to have to dig a lot deeper into my soul and faith to know that even when it’s hard I have the ability to succeed. I think one of my major road blocks in life has been not allowing me to see this. So, today is Zumba night and I will go and work my butt off, come home and do my 30 day challenge, and pass out from even more exhaustion. And, it will all be worth it in the end!

A Side note – I have my Biggest Loser Weigh in and body comp test on Friday at 12:30. More details on this to come.