Lean on Him to get through this

I’ve started another chapter on this journey of weight loss. I’m refocused on what I need for my body and mind. As I’ve posted recently, I will be participating in the Biggest Loser contest at my gym, and in order to get my mind and body ready for fighting, I mean competing, I am working out an average of 2 hours a day right now, and will be moving into a 4 hours a day, 6 days a week regimen. Tonight while in my group class, Body Combat we were about 45 minutes into class and I was feeling the pain, I was feeling the excuses creep up into my head as to why I wasn’t able to keep going, but then Jennifer, my instructor, reminded me of the “No excuses” tag line from this season’s biggest loser and I immediately began to feel inspired! I was punching as hard as I could with all the pain I began to feel and realized how I could get through it. I began to feel the strength come back into me and know that this is what I had to do. I had to lean on God.

I want to tell you that when you aren’t able to believe in yourself, lean on God. Rely on the knowledge that He can get you through pain, discouragement, and any roadblocks in your way. Release the excuses to God and allow yourself to succeed.

Overcoming Bad Habits in your thoughts!

I had such an amazingly hard day toady, filled with emotions and really hard thoughts about myself. I won’t go into the exact stuff that caused this, but I notice the ugly green monster attack me when I am most vulnerable – the time when I felt safe and secure in who I am becoming. In these moments I suddenly feel myself slip into the dark place that I once was, and begin to question how strong I am and successful I have been. I focus on the mistakes that I make instead of all the success I’ve had. This is such a hard ingrained behavior to ignore, and to not give into. But, over time I’ve become more aware of the problems that arise with these thoughts and moods that overcome me, and have been able to recognize the anguish that I put myself through. Today I wallowed in the pity for the day, but instead of over eating and becoming sluggishly depressed I overtook the mood and kept to my routine. I managed not to buy fast food because it was easier; I made it to the gym for 2 hours of exercise; and came home and smiled instead of cried. I did all this through with the strength I have given myself in my journey and through my faith that as come on strong to fight off those evil thoughts and dark places I use to dwell in. I hope your journey allows you to walk away from the green monster and smile back in victory!

One little word

Though I have posted this on my other blog I felt the need to add it here too since so much of this is focused on weight loss. Read my new goals and see what's in store for 2011.
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Ali Edwards has been one of the most inspiring people in my life. Although I do not know her personally I do feel a close relationship with her through her scrapbooking, blogs, and personal testimonies of struggles and defeats. This year I will be joining her in choosing 1 word that will help me shape what this coming year will look like. I have several large goals for 2011, and feel the need to make them public and document them. Of course in my little organized brain I also feel the need to make it all work together; otherwise I could easily veer off course. So, my one little word for 2011 is simplify.

Simplify is defined as to make less complex. This year I can not wait to reach my goals, to loose weight, clear out all the junk in my basement, have a baby, and mostly to be more focused on what matters. The words Simplify and minimize have been roaming around my head a lot, so I went with Simplify when I looked up the definition - seems to be the directions I am in. Can't wait to see what it brings to me! I plan to simplify my weight loss – count calories more frequently and keep a workout schedule that is easy and efficient. In order to simplify my life for a new baby I must purge clutter out our lives; including cleaning our basement from corner to corner and opening our outdoor space to play time for Julia.

The first step I plan to take in this journey for 2011 is to declare my devotion to God by being baptized this January with my husband. I know many of my friends who are not Christians do not see the usefulness of this step in life, and some day I hope that they come to understand it, but for me I want to shout it out to everyone every day that my life has changed and become more rewarding because I’ve allowed Jesus into my heart. At the same time as making this huge declaration I will also be participating in a Biggest Loser contest at my gym. Now I may not win this (although I will certainly try my hardest), I will give myself an edge to my weight loss and fitness lifestyle that will eventually give way to a much simpler life. And, if I do win I pocket $500. My goal in my weight loss is to lose a minimum of 30 pounds by the end of spring time in order to feel like I am at a healthy starting point to begin the process of having another child. As many close to me know this could be a huge event in our lives, filled with possible bed rest, minor surgery, and even another pre-term baby. But, like I’ve declared, I have all the faith in God’s hands, and a gift of a child comes from the lord, and so if it is his will I will go through any or all of it! But, it is also my will to make the process easier and simpler. Do you see where I’m going with this word? Simple is just easy! I don’t want to clutter my life with complex, with doubts, or any fears. I want to be filled with hope, excitement, and enjoyment in all that is given to me.

I have other “resolutions” for this coming year as well, but these 3 pack a pretty huge punch and will be focused on a lot! For all of you reading this, I hope that you will follow me through this journey and continue your own. Pick a word for yourself and make a decision to keep it going all the way through December. Don’t let fears and insecurities take over, though they will roar their ugly faces from time to time, just remember that it’s a whole year of time to make a change. I made a change in myself for 2010, now it’s time to do even more work for 2011.

Are you depressed?

I’ve been depressed off and on most of my adult life and some of my younger years. I’ve been on anti-depressants before, and never felt they did the work I needed from them. Anytime I’ve come out of the haze of depression I’ve looked back and realized how horrible I was. I also remember the last haze fairly well, and can see how much I fostered the depression with all that I did not do. I sat around the house watching TV, eating too much, and barely getting up to let the dog out some days. I was in it, in a bad way! Depression can over take us if we let it. I’ve told others this before, but this time around I’m not letting it take me again. I felt a presence in me so close to my heart back in December, just after Christmas, that told me I can lose weight and be happy with my life if I just let go of the depression. I knew it was God’s push that led me to be happy again, and it was the movements and the activities and the healthy living that had sustained that happiness in me.

Exercise and a healthy diet are my saving grace. I would not be able to focus myself into the person I am now, with the structure I have given myself, be able to smile when I’m hurting, or just plain be a forgiving person if I didn’t have this going for me. With my degree in psychology and my research outside of the classroom I know a lot about the depression that hits me and others, and I even know plenty about the medication that goes into treating depression. First off, I think anti-depressants work and are suitable for most people. I am not one of them. I hate taking pills, mostly because I can’t remember to take them, and really want to give myself the power to overcome my own problems. In most people, they aren’t capable of doing this, due to the chemicals that create depression in our body. I still had plenty of the chemical problems with depression but research shows that exercise positively affects the same neurotransmitters that antidepressants target. Exercise also produces feel-good brain chemicals called “endorphins,” which promote the sense of well-being and satisfaction and can releases tension in muscles that contributes to depression-related soreness and insomnia. Exercise also reduces levels of the stress hormone cortisol, relieving feelings of anxiety and agitation as well as raises your body temperature, which appears to have calming effects. All of this is what helps me to keep the depression at bay, but so many people need to take the medication on top of the exercise in order to get all the positive effects the antidepressant has to offer.

Exercising has so many more positive results besides weight loss and muscle building. It can increase your attention, give you more confidence, and increase your self-esteem. All of these have happened for me. But, even with exercise you have to make the choice to change the side you’re on. Are you going to be on your own side or the side of the depression – make the spiritual switch (as my pastor would say), are you going to give God your faith that he will help you through your troubles and fulfill all he has promised or are you going to give into the Evil and allow those dark thoughts of self loath take over? I know how difficult it can be to make that choice. When you are in that dark place you begin to focus on everything bad around you, how hopeless everything seems, and that you are an undeserving and pathetic person because you aren’t able to do what you need to do. When the Evil as strong as this comes to take you over, you need to know the weaknesses and the information about exercise can give you an effective strategy to fight against it. Most of us during our dark times forget that how we think and feel is directly related to what the chemicals in our brain and body are doing.

So, how do we make the first move out of the dark hole? You’ve already made a choice to get out, so now you just have to move. I know that getting out of bed, taking a shower, and doing your daily routine seems like to much work, but when it’s all done you will feel accomplished and determined to do more the next day. Here are some tips –

• Always talk to your doctor first!
• Do something you enjoy (or that you did enjoy when you weren’t depressed): For me it was going for walks with my family at first. Then it moved into cooking again. I finally went back to scrapbooking and found my real passion (besides exercise). Maybe for you it’s playing a sport with friends, fishing and camping, or long drives outside of town to a place you haven’t been in awhile.
• Set Goals: Just get moving! Taking a shower for the first day and getting the dirt and tears off of you are a great first step. But, research has shown that at least 30 minutes per day results in maximum depression-fighting benefits, but you don’t have to start there if that seems overwhelming at first. Start with any duration and intensity level that you're pretty sure you can easily manage on most days, and go from there.
• Know your weaknesses & plan for set backs: Yeah, we all have them and yes they will make us feel bad again. If you know that ahead then you are a step ahead of the depression before it even hits you. My first major set back right away was when I bought a scale finally. I had been using my Wii Fit to weigh myself, and the week I brought that scale into the house it revealed to me that I was 5lbs heavier then what the Wii had been telling me. I felt like a failure, that all my work was a waist of time. I cried probably for 30 minutes, said I was quitting, and sat on the floor of the bathroom feeling like a failure. But, once I was done I picked myself back up and after awhile I was back on track. It will happen; you will gain weight or just stop losing. You have to fight through this and give yourself credit for all the hard work you have already accomplished.

NO MORE GIMMICKS!

Recently I posted about the gimmicks of weight loss and how much they aren’t focused on making a long term affect on your body. Many people I know are using a gimmick to lose weight quick to achieve certain goals and run faster on the road of their journeys. I can’t stress more about how life needs to be slowed down, enjoyed, and analyzed on a regular basis. For those of you who are faithful Christians I want you to think about the walk you are on with God. God gives you the strength and the ability to be able to conquer all the challenges that arise during your stay on earth. But, we all know that short cuts are not part of this walk, and when we take these short cuts and do not spend the necessary time on the changes and growth we are to make in ourselves then we do not become mature in our faith, in ourselves, and in our weight loss success.

MetaFast is one of these gimmick weight loss plans that I see as one of the shortcuts of weight loss. This program is a portion-controlled diet plan. This is the quote from their website. “Medifast is a portion-controlled, nutritionally balanced, low-fat, and clinically proven program that helps people lose weight faster and more effectively than traditional diet plans. Medifast Meals come in individual packets that you mix with water and microwave or refrigerate, and are available in a wide variety of foods and flavors, including shakes, soups, stew, chili, oatmeal, scrambled eggs, fruit drinks, iced teas, hot beverages, bars, puddings, pretzel sticks, and cheese puffs. Quick and easy to prepare, they offer a healthy fast food alternative to a busy lifestyle!”

Medifast meals are not “real” food, but a processed bag of food. But, their web site says this “Almost all Medifast products are "meals" since they contain protein, vitamins, minerals, fiber, and other nutrients.” These meals that they say you have only give you 800-1000 calories A DAY! This is not a healthy plan, especially if you are doing any type of exercise. You will need more energy for your body to build muscle instead of store what little energy you are getting. Medifast also says to decrease your exercise level until your body becomes accustomed to the decrease in calories.

Now, don’t get me wrong I read all about how safe this is for your body and all the research that shows that it is a proven weight loss program. I can understand that our body will lose weight when we limit our calories and carbohydrates. And I understand that if you continue to follow this plan you will meet your goals faster, and then when you meet your goals you will enter a maintenance stage. Something I keep remembering from former Biggest Loser contestants who gain the weight back is that maintaining the weight lose isn’t something you are taught when you lose weight at a quick rate. Once you enter a maintenance state your body begins to remember the state you were in before the weight loss. You find it harder to eat less food because now your body is craving it, and when you up your exercise levels to continue to maintain your weight loss you find you need more energy, which equals more calories, which equals weight gain if you’re not careful.

So, what should you do? Get off that short cut path you are on, follow the correct road God has put you on, and count your calories with real, fresh foods, and exercise. I know this sounds hard, time consuming, and even at times expensive. But, it’s so worth it. You are showing your children how to eat and be active; you are proving to others around you that you are strong and determined in what you go after.

• Exercise at least 4-5 times a week, if not 6 times. Burn 500 calories each day!

• If you need to lose 50-100 (or more) pounds then eat 1,400 – 1,600 calories a day!

• If you need to lose less then 50 pounds, then eat 1,200 – 1,500 calories a day!

• Eat fresh fruits & vegetables instead of breads and pastas.

• When eating breads & pastas eat whole grain

• Eat lean meats, and only eat red meat 1-2 times a week.

Weekly Challenge - Step 2 & 3

Remember our 7 steps to success? This week we are going to focus on steps 2 and 3. Here's a recap of those steps...
2. Start small: Don’t expect to lose 5, 10, or even 20 pounds in the first week or month. Making small steps in your weight loss will give you small results, and in turn you will have huge results in the end.

3. Have support: Have an accountability partner!!! I didn’t think I would need this when I first started, that my blog would be enough. Then I began to get bored of it all and just when I started to need one God walked her right into my sights for what I needed. Someone who I can confess to about my poor choices, someone who has a shared goal of weight loss and healthy living, and someone who is willing to go to the gym with me and work just as hard to get those results. I can’t say it more; having someone to talk to, workout with, or even to cook with can be so beneficial to your weight loss.
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So, making small steps in your weight loss can sometimes be challenging because the road ahead of you will feel so long and bumpy, but that road you are on is worth the long trip. So, put on your fast pace music and allow the road to keep going. The longer you take the more focused you will become in making these steps in yourself. This road is all about you, but along the way it's important to pick up a few hitchhikers and friends who are going to help you navigate your way to end. The biggest and most important accountability partner I have is God, and he knows when I am being truthful and when I am ready to see the truth in myself. He is my leader in my journey, no matter what I am focusing on. But, the others I rely on such an important aspect of my weight loss too. My husband, who helps me cook and make healthy choices, is with me through this 24/7 and I couldn't ask for someone more supportive. He even went out and bought me new shoes for the gym for my birthday! My besttest girl friend and gym buddy is my other partner though this. We spend so much time making salads, talking about deserts, and working out at the gym.

Now, even if you're going to have these people helping you to attain your goals please remember the ultimate person in charge of your weight loss is YOU. You have to be accountable to yourself at all times. If your spouse wants to eat extras and junk food, you don't have to (trust me, I know how hard that is) and if your gym buddy can't make it to the gym that night you still can so just go! Don't allow anyone but yourself to be in charge.

Weekly Challenge: Check in with someone at least 3 times this week on your goals. Talk to them about any challenges you are experiencing and if they are having any themselves. Focus on losing 1 pound this week!

Achieved a goal!

Alright, this morning I went to the gym! That alone rocks. Then, I stepped on the treadmill, pushed the 5K button program, and began the workout. Wasn't feeling so into it, but turned on the IPod and went to town. My long term goal with this 5K is to manage to run/walk in under an hour. So, I get my 10 minutes in, start my 1 minutes sprints, and really get into it. About 30 minutes into it I begin to really get into it. I'm half way to completing a 5K. I turn up the incline, keep a fast pace, every 5 minutes I do a 1 minute sprint, and keep the IPod rock'n out. I begin to think I'm going to get the 5K done today! Then I start walking faster, adding seconds onto my sprints, and realize that I CAN DO THIS under 60 minutes.

So, at 58 minutes I accomplished a 5K on the treadmill and burned 517 calories. I have to admit, I got in the car and screamed so loud in victory, and pumped my fists up in the air! God was running right there with me! I felt that extra push, that nurturing spirit, and that whisper in my ear telling me I could do it!

Knowledge is Power

What I have learned can help you too. I have started to believe this in myself. I have begun to acknowledge the fact that I do have know-how and can help others with their struggles. Not only in weight loss, but in all areas of life. For so long I had this doubt in myself that I was incapable in helping others. I have a degree in psychology, and worked in my field rather unsuccessfully for 4 ½ years. I am no where close to be able to go back into the working world of counseling, but I think once I am I will be fully directed in the right direction. God has given me knowledge and is allowing me to walk with Him to learn how to use that knowledge.

When it comes to weight loss I fully believe that gimmicks are false hope sent from Evil. I know this sounds rather harsh, but without knowing my bible verses well or much of the stories I do believe that God gives us the power to do such things on our own. Gimmicks are all about short term successes, and not about what we really want to gain from weight loss – a healthy self. I think many people loss sight at that when they want to fit into that bikini or fancy dress for the big night.

When people tell me that they are inspired by what I am doing it makes me happy, but then they proceed to tell me about some system they have to lose weight fast. If you need assistance in learning how to become a healthy eater or have an active lifestyle, then read a book, search the web, talk to a friends, but DO NOT spend money on gimmicks. I remember trying L.A Weight loss a few years ago, and they were all about supplements, certain amount of each type of food, and buy this drink or food. But, I never found any results with them because it wasn’t right for my body. I probably spent around $1,000 or more for that. What a waist. I’ve done Jenny Craig, again, another buy our food program. Weight Watchers is one I have never used, and I do love their recipes, but point counting seems a little out there too.

My program includes learning more and more about what I need to eat and not eat, what area of my body needs to be worked out, and how I am going to do that successfully. I count my calories, and I use a web site to help me with that. I didn’t use to; I use to count them myself using a calculator. I workout 3-5 times a week for an hour a more using cardio and weight training to build lean muscles to burn calories. I read other weight loss blogs that inspire me to keep me motivated. My blog is my ultimate accountability, but I have friends who also keep me accountable. These steps have finally given me the building blocks to know I am living the right kind of life.

I have goals, and they keep me motivated, but the ultimate goal is to live healthy, life long, and be a role model for others and my family.

Gym Buddy from above!

Breakfast: English muffin w/ Peanut butter & scrambled egg burrito – 650

Lunch: Turkey sandwich w/ pickle – 316

Dinner: Crab salad w/ cheesy garlic biscuits – 658

Total Calories: 1,623 Total Burned: 819


Tonight was my first night at the gym with my gym buddy! I am so blessed to have been given this without even asking. I felt like God just saw all my hard work, and gave us both this path to be able to inspire each other. I still have major blisters on my pinky toes, so we did a 30 min Elliptical with a high incline, then did the circuit training set up by the cardio machines, and then a 10 minute cardio cool down on the treadmill with a 3 incline and a 3 speed. I’m a little sore, but I my muscles are remembering a lot of this stuff, so mostly it’s just a feet I’m having problems with.

Tomorrow is a cool off day since I do not have time to workout in the evening. Wednesday I will be back in the gym, and then I will see where we go from there. How is everyone else’s weight loss going?

Sunday Weigh in & Weekly Challenge

Today’s Weight: 290 lbs
Total weight loss to date: 17.9*
* = Weight increased also occurred when changing from Wii scale to Digital Home scale. No weight has been lost since changing to a new scale.

Well, it’s obvious that I haven’t lost any weight; in fact the scale says I’ve gained 2.2 pounds. There is nothing I can do about this today, but my news that will impact this weight gain is that Jon and I have sat down and talked it over and worked it out in our budget to add in a monthly gym membership for me. I have been thinking a lot about it, and through a lot of tears and praying I realized I can not get the results that I need to have just by walking and doing 20 minute workout videos. Although those exercises do have a place in my routine, especially with the wonderful weather, I can not expect to see weight loss every week when all I am doing is moderate exercise.

I am not going to ask for a personal trainer; I can not afford that nor take the adequate time in my life to dedicate that amount of effort for this journey. But, I will work hard at what I learned from the times I have worked with trainers, and I am going to make time to attend group classes that are free and lead by a trainer. This will give my body changes in my routines, and allow me to have variety in my workouts. This has always been a huge problem for me, so having my at home programs and a gym program will really give me a leg up on the weight loss.

So, how am making this happen? Well, I have to give up something in order to be able to take on a new monthly bill. Jon and I feel strongly about staying on budget and working towards becoming debt free, so in order to afford this we have decided to suspended our land-line phone service for the time being (temporarily) in order to adjust for the cost of the gym. I will also have to make other adjustments in our budget, but in the long run becoming a healthier person to have a happier life and set a healthy example to my daughter is more then worth not having people call me at home – I DO still have a cell phone!

So, do I have a challenge for this week? This is me asking myself this question because I haven’t even thought about it. I have recently begun a bible study group at my church, and I am in week 2 of the group. It has become such a blessing to me to hear that spiritually mature women are still learning from their studies, and are still struggling with their walk with God. This has really given me insight into my own walk with God, and how this journey for a healthy life has become part of that walk with Him. The challenge in my group this week was to include scripture into our daily prayers, and this will be incredibly difficult for me seeing as I am still at a very beginning stage of learning my Bible. So, how do I make a switch from scriptures to exercise and diet? Well, as I am writing this I feel that I need more moments of thoughts about my progress and if I am being honest with my calories and with my activity levels. I need to sit and think about how each day is going, and if I need to make any adjustments to my thinking and behaviors. So, my challenge to you is to take time out of your busy life and give yourself 30 minutes of self-thought. It doesn’t have to be focused on your diet or exercise, but on your well being. Focus on learning about yourself, and what your needs are. Take the time to make your health and well-being a priority. Challenge: 30 minutes of self-thought about each day and what you can do to make yourself happier, healthier, and spiritually strong.

Then, if you are able to get focused on your self for a change, see if you can add in that exercise you need, or put away the candy you know you shouldn’t be eating. Have an apple, drink some water, or read your Bible.

A Path Less Traveled

Today I was shown a path that was one I had prayed for recently, and I walked right onto it and followed it. I signed up to walk a 10K March of Dimes walk for donations. I haven’t walked 6.3 miles in such a long time that I can’t even remember, well possibly ten years. So, I am team captain and Jon and I are recruiting more walkers for our team and help making a great donation in Julia’s name.

Today I walked 45 minutes, a total of 1.5 miles. Later in the evening I worked out for another 15-20 minutes, and got my hour in for the day. I’ve also kept my calories down today, but still feel like I’m not eating well. One of the things I’m trying to work on it making the evening calories less then the rest of the day, in order to not go to bed without digesting my food. So, I am getting closer to that, but it still needs some work.

Food Log:

Breakfast: Egg Burrito w/ sautéed onions – 360

Snack: ½ banana – 54

Lunch: Leftover Enchiladas – 432

Dinner: Homemade Mac & Cheese – 491

Snack: English muffin w/ peanut butter – 290

Total Calories: 1,627 Total Burned: 492 (short about 200 calories today)

Walking in the rain = burning calories

Today has been a very busy day, so I intend to make this short. But, I do have a fabulous post coming up for tomorrow if I can get to it. (Teaser: I had a good message at church today, and want to apply it to my weight loss and give the message to you.)

Today I took a huge walk from my house all the way to Safeway, which is longer then a mile. Now I usually take a mile walk every day that I can, but it’s always round trip, not one way. Now, I would have made the round trip back home from Safeway, but it began to rain on us and Jon got a ride from a friend to go get the car. (Can’t afford to let Julia and I get sick again.) So, next week (since this week will be rainy) I am going to attempt this round trip walk again and see how I do. The one way from our house is mostly down hill and of course easier. But, coming back in a nice sloped incline, so I think it will get me burning some serious calories.

This next week’s forecast is showing a lot of rain, so I may be doing some indoor activities and may take a trip or two to the indoor park at the mall. Now this may become a problem since we have put ourselves on a gas budget, and I can’t use more gas then I am allowed. So I will hope for some breaks in the rain in order to get our walks in.

I am also going to get back into my morning workouts with the Wii fit. Now, I’ve been reading up on obesity and sleep, and how much it can affect your weight loss when you aren’t getting enough sleep, so I may be doing my workouts during nap time instead of getting up super early with Jon before the sun rises.

Other challenge this week will include eating low calories meals, and getting Julia ready for Daylight Savings Time that begins next week. Hope everyone has a great week!

Daily Calories: 1,757 (pretty close today even with my cookies)

Stressful End of the Day

Sundays for some reason are always very hard for me. I can’t seem to put my finger on what makes it such a stressful day. It should be a day that I am rejoicing in my faith and enjoying my family, but for some reason it’s become the day of stress for me.

Most of the day went off without a hitch. Julia woke up really good, but was quite a picky eater for most of the day. During church though she had this panic attack that we were going to leave her, which of course she was about to be taken down to the nursery and be left there, but she always gets over it and is happy again. Today wasn’t as easy, but she did eventually get over the anxiety and play. The message at church was, as usual, something I really needed to hear, and that always brings me closer to God and gives me a calm spirit.

Once we came home today Jon and I put Julia down for a nap and he made homemade French fries (I love these things!) and we had turkey burgers for lunch. I scrapbooked some during nap time, and then we all went for a walk when Julia woke up (including the dog). After the walk though I started to feel really sick again, and was experiencing some pretty bad ear pain and body aches. So, I laid down for awhile, and Jon was wonderful enough to play with Julia while I did this. When I woke up though it was dinner time, and I hadn’t had any plans yet. This is where life became stressful again.

Having meals planned out are essential to my lifestyle now. It helps me to take a lot of stress way from the day, and gives me back control of the food that I am eating. Today was not the case. I was still slightly sleepy, and said I had wanted Julia to have some mac & cheese (her favorite), and so Jon went ahead and began to make that. This made it so stressful for me because that wasn’t what I wanted to or should eat. So, we were defrosting chicken to make BBQ chicken and the mac & cheese is finished, and now we’re all jumbled up with our dinner schedule and Julia’s eating while we’re making our own food. It just became to overwhelming for me, and made me feel frustrated. I ended up having some of the mac & cheese and chicken, but I am still feeling out of control and just plain sad.

My ear is continuing to bother me, so I will sleep in to get some more rest of my immune system. I will go for my walk tomorrow though, and try to make the best of my frustrations.

Just trying to make it through the day today

It has been such a beautiful day to be outside and enjoying the sun. I certainly felt this way when I got around this morning, but just went down hill all day. My ear hasn’t been feeling any better yet, and I think I’m having some side effects from the medication as well. Poor Julia had to deal with a sleepy mommy today, and I had a very hard time finding much effort to get up and go today.

I was able to make the walk before it got to late this afternoon, but it had already become quite chilly by the time we got out there. I suppose that’s why I walked so quickly though, and we managed to stay out for 30 minutes.

I made a turkey meat loaf for dinner, which probably took most of my energy just to make by the way. It was alright, wasn’t my idea of exactly the perfect healthy meal (especially with the mashed potatoes), but it was very low in calories.

I’m just going to keep working at the level I can while I’m dealing with the infection, and watch what I eat. I’m also getting back into my favorite hobby, scrapbooking, and it has given me so much pleasure to get back into it. Having a passion for something like this has always given me more drive for the other things in my life. I also have to say that my faith has continued to grow, and this is major reason why I am feeling so successful in life right now.

Total Daily Calories: 1,646

How can we all live a cleaner life?

To receive great joy, comes great cost. I heard that today in church during the sermon given from Pastor Frank. I really heard his message today. He spoke about falling short of God’s grace and mourning for ours and other’s sins and short comings. I heard this message in regards of our life changes. We have been falling short of living up to God’s grace, and I realized today that part of my journey is making more of an effort to live up to those standards.

We can not live up to these standards if we continue to throw away our money on fast food, expensive restaurants, stuff to “pretty” up our homes, and wasting our time in front of the television. I am so excited to have the changes be significant in our lives, and I really hope to spread the word to others to do the same.

Living a clean life is something I am so enthusiastic about that I want everyone to know about it. I have a friend who recently started a vegan diet with her husband, and they have the same enthusiasm for their life change as I do for mine. It’s so great to watch people make changes, and see them tell everyone around them about it because it’s so powerful in their lives. A clean life doesn’t just end with your diet and activity levels. It only begins there. This kind of change really needs to make its way into your finances, your relationships, and especially your spirituality. As American’s we live such a rich life, not with money, but with freedom. We are able to choose what we do with our money, and how we live our life. But, this has given us too much waste and indulgences in our lives. We spend to much on fancy foods, wines, and all the glitters that go with that. A clean life is a minimalist life that gives you your basic necessities, and allows you to grown your lifestyle within your relationships and spirituality. Don’t get me wrong, Jon and I have lived up our lives with fancy gadgets and nice clothes and accessories, but it didn’t just effect the wallet but our waistlines. I am so excited to be able to grow as a person through this, and the more I lean and the more I hear from others I continue to do so.