What to do with this........

One of the negatives about loosing weight is the things you are use to being tight on your, clothes and jewelry, begin to fall off and not fit anymore. It's a great boost, but it's a great hardship on the finances. Here's a picture of my hand recently where my wedding ring no longer fits me, I even have to take it off to workout now so it doesn't go flying off. I wear it around day-to-day, but am extremely cautious about it. My other tricks with clothes are closet shopping at friend's house - I've had a few friends give me hand-me downs from clothes that they have no need for. Thanks friends!

What are we craving?

I have so many topics I want to share with you this week, so my first one will begin with cravings and avoiding temptations. This is one of my major obstacles in my lifestyle. The amount of time I spend at home gives way to many opportunities to snack or just plain eat all day long. I grocery shop a lot because of couponing, and that lends to a lot of samples in the stores and taste testing new items I bring home. I avoid most of the time very well, and am very honest with myself when I do not avoid those cravings. But, what am I really craving? Why do I feel the need to eat all the time? Where do those urges come from? Have you asked yourself these questions before?

I sat down recently and began to read some passages in my bible about such topics, and at the same time I gave myself time to really analyze my hunger cues and needs before I put food into my mouth. Even though foods can be eaten and we need food to sustain our life, many of those foods we eat and crave are no good for us. Even when we have them in moderation in can trigger us to crave more of these foods, and then get set back into those old habits. I’ve found this to happen to me very easily still. I have a hard time moderating myself with junk-like foods and end up eating more then I should have. This doesn’t mean I won’t ever be able to indulge in something some day, but I can’t seem to manage it just yet. I have my slips still, and the progress I have made is allowing me to make the mistake and move past it. It’s a hard see mistakes, but it’s also much easier lately to allow them to happen and not beat myself up about it.

Sometimes my cues are real hunger, but a lot of the times I am in the middle of the day and just want something more to eat. I’m sometimes bored, lonely, or anxious about something. My anxiety works in different ways, like sometimes I just want to get to the gym and not do anything else, but I have a list of things to get done before I can. Or, I am unable to do something on that list, so eating seems like a viable alternative. These are all difficult attitudes to change in myself, and I realized that the dedication of avoiding those triggers and temptations can make me stronger and once I conquer them I can be free of the negative actions I put myself through. But, I also believe that God is the only one who will completely free me of those attitudes, and left to myself I will not conquer them.

So, what are you really craving when you reach for the chocolate, the ice cream, the chips, or go through the drive-threw? Are you really treating yourself right with those choices? Are you being a responsible person for yourself and those who care about you? Think it over before reaching for it, and at the same time don’t beat yourself up over the poor choices!

The Biggest Loser Jacobs Ladder Challenge

This is motivation to get my butt in hear - if they can do it, so can I!

Hitting the wall and making it through

Why is it on our weight loss journey we have to experience such a difficult time with so many emotions? I watch it every season on The Biggest Loser, where contestants hit a wall and then suddenly break down with emotional pain and make a huge break through, but I suppose I thought I’d already done that. So, when that wall hit, and then the pain, and now the break through came I was not in any way ready for the turmoil it would bring on.

My wall came on when I had only a -2 for last week’s weigh in, and I just couldn’t get past the disappointment. Then, I began to make poor food choices, not completely abandoning my diet, but just didn’t think clearly about what I was eating entirely. Two days like this, and then birthday cake hit me hard! Yes, birthday cake was my ending point in poor choices. I completely fell to the temptation of frosting and fluffy goodness. Doubt and guilt began to creep in to my thoughts, taking over my ability to think clearly, communicate, and even process my feelings. The lack of self-control I had made me feel incapable of success, that I could not accomplish my goals anymore. I then, for the first time, had negative reactions and attitudes while in a church bible study, and knew that I was overcome with evil trying to break me down! I finally had to cry really hard, realize what was going on with me and after about a day of facing the emotions head on I got myself back into the gym and began to work off the heavy burden I had felt for 4 days (and the extra calories).

So, why did the wall come up in the first place? It’s hard to explain when we will hit a wall of frustration and lack of focus, but it will always come on. I think for me, the dedication of entire focus on weight loss and exercise is something I have never fully done. My focus has always been split on other tasks and responsibilities in life. That’s not saying I am 100%, like they are on The Biggest Loser ranch, but my family has lost time with me and many of my mom/wife daily tasks have taken a back burner to that of exercise, calorie counting, and a mind/body overhaul! I think this is what brought on my wall of emotions. That green monster in my head that has always kept me overweight and filled with depression and lack of energy reared it’s ugly head to tell me it wasn’t going away so easily, and I had to find a way to kick it’s butt back against the wall and say “No, I am going to WIN!” Today and every day is a struggle. I struggle with temptation of foods, temptation of doing something other then making it the gym, and temptation of listening to those negative thoughts that find away around my will power. I will conquer my temptations! I will win this battle! I will lose more weight, and will continue to be a healthy, productive person always!


To keep me focused I’m signed up for the Shamrock Run in Portland on March 18 for a 5K run. Not only is this motivating, but I have people running with me – to encourage me and keep me going through the race! Right now, I am running/walking a 5K in about 50 minutes, and am working on getting my time down to 40 minutes, and aiming to make my time in the race 35 minutes! That’s about an 11 minute mile! So, let’s get moving and run!

Quick tips to sucess

Here's some of my off the cuff quick tips that I'm using for succeed in the Biggest Loser Contest!

1. Count Calories - I'm using my fitness pal on IPhone to keep track, best AP I've found for this!

2. Stay Accountable - I'm using a few methods for accountability. My instructors all know my plan and will keep me going, this blog will be my daily/weekly check in on my progress, and all my friends who will be cheering me on.

3. Get enough sleep - read about that here

4. Limit the stress - my stress generally includes daily life, so my plan this week has been to get life in order! Have my house clean, laundry all put away, and then use my "motivated mom" AP on my IPhone to keep me on task with daily chores. Blogging will also help with stress, as well as a weekly yoga class.

5. Limit caffeine & Sugar - other diets I've read and liked have had a huge decrease in sugar and I will be reading and working more on that area as I am generally drinking many cups of coffee a day with a lot of sugar! This can easily pack on the pounds over a long period of time!

6. Keep a schedule & Have a plan - I'll be posting my workout and daily schedule soon, and have it all planned out on my IPhone to help me stay on task and not miss my classes/exercise times.

7. Keep a food budget - it's easy to throw out the budget when you're on a diet and eat all organic and name brand foods, but this isn't a reality for me. I will be feeding my family other foods outside of my diet and have to keep to our budget on food & eating out in order to be successful!

8. Have fun - with all this exercise and planning it can be hard to remember the fun stuff. Going work in date nights, play dates with Julia, and special times with my friends!

9. Chew sugar free gum/mints - don't drink water all day, it can cause water retention, so just stick to the 8 cups a day and when you are feeling thirsty/hungry then it's time to chew some gum and produce some saliva in your mouth (it will trick your mind into thinking you are eating).

10. Every day is a new day - if you didn't get everything in that you had planned, then tomorrow is a new day, so don't stress!

Sleep & Weight Loss

One of my lofty goals in this next 3 months is to develop a habit of going to bed at an early enough time to get 7 hours of sleep each night. Most days my husband is up at 5 in the morning, and then wakes me up around 5:45am! That comes really fast and early in the morning, so I need to be getting more sleep. I notice that the amount of effort I put into my workouts is so much more when I am well rested. So, why seven hours you might ask?

Well, research has recently shown that those who are attempting to lose weight have a greater success when they are sleeping more then 6 hours and less then 8 hours a night. This makes sense, since when I sleep more then 8 hours in a night I feel just as bad as I do if I slept 4! I also have found that my husband is a much happier guy when he gets this much sleep too, and he frequently calls me a night owl with a little bit of disdain in his voice.

So, how can we all make our night’s sleep better and helpful in our weight loss? Well, at sparkpeople.com they have given some helpful tips to share with all of you.

1. Set the right environment: use your bedroom for what it’s intended for – the use of a bed! We don’t have a TV in our room, mostly because the room is too small, but I’ve come to love not having the distraction in our space either. Turn off electronics and use the room the way it was meant to be used!
2. Get yourself into a routine: Got to bed at a set time every night, and get up at a set time every day. This helps to develop a sleep cycle for your body and allows it to know when it will rest and recoop!
3. Limit beverage intake before bed: I have a hard time with this since I workout in the evenings, so I’ll attempt to cut off water drinking about 30 minutes before bed.
4. De-stress: Going to bed mad, stressed out and emotional can really wreak havoc on your sleeping. So, if its bed time and you still have huge emotions going on or you’ve just had a hard day, write it down, pray about it, and talk with your partner or best friend. Don’t allow it to take over your dreams that night and move into the next day. Allow those emotions to be lifted away as your body regenerates.

I hope these little tips can help you to begin a healthy step to your weight loss. And, if you didn’t get enough sleep, just take some extra vitamins and get in the gym anyways! ;)

Setting Goals for the Contest

It’s just 10 days away from The Biggest Loser Contest and it’s all I can think about these days. I think about the schedule I’m going to take on for my workouts, the food I’m going to eat, and the stress it’s going to put on my family. Above all I think about winning it though. I have put in my mind that I can do this, but at the same time I can ONLY do this because I have God on my side. He is my encouragement, my strength, and my guidance in all of this! I’m so empowered by the feelings that this contest has brought up in me. I want to share this excitement with everyone I can. So, let’s begin with sharing my goals!

1. Lose 50 pounds overall in a 9 week period – 5.5 pounds a week!
2. Workout 4 hours a day, 6 days a week
3. Eat a 1,200 – 1,500 calorie diet, including a 4 day cleanse to begin with.

These are pretty steep goals I’ve set for myself. So, let me break it down for you. The 50 pounds is how I’m going to win this event. The winners are based on a % of weight loss or % of body fat loss. Last contest I lost a little over 5% body fat and only 16 pounds, and was very close to winning. With a weight loss of 50 pounds I will have a 20% weight loss, and who knows how much of a body fat loss. In the past I’ve seen the winners lose approximately 10-12% weight loss, so I wanted mine to be much higher to account for this skinny ladies who inevitably join the contest to get a cheap rate on training (the less you weight, the high your % will be with every pound lost, so someone 100 pounds lighter then me would only have to lose 30 pounds to have the same percentage as me).

Now, everyone I talk to about the 4 hours a day of exercise tell me I’m crazy, but when I watch contestants on the biggest loser I see them working out 8 hours a day every day! They are loosing double digits some weeks, and other times barely any! So, in order to really keep my momentum going I need to prioritize my lifestyle to include a lot of exercise! As we are still in winter time conditions (no snow yet though) I’m planning my time at the gym and am very blessed to have daycare available for the daytimes for Julia, and a husband who is fully committed to me winning this contest in the evenings. So, my general plan is 2 hours in the daytime and 2 hours in the evening, and doing so Sunday though Friday with Saturday being a rest day. Having 1 day where my body does not have complete fatigue will give me a chance to recuperate my muscles and allow for them to relax.

The diet is where I am going to have the hardest time. Not because of the obvious reasons either, I’m concerned about the cost of food. Those who say it’s cheaper to eat healthier are really not living in today’s lifestyle of a family on a budget. With me couponing and stockpiling foods for our family we manage to keep our budget averaged $350 a month, sometimes lower and sometimes higher. But, this doesn’t always allow us to eat the healthiest of foods or the worst either, but just not the best! So, I’m trying to come up with a plan of making mini meals for me, and stockpile/pantry style meals for the family. I’ll be using “my fitness pal” Ap on my IPhone to keep track of my calories, along with a diet book called Flat Belly Diet.

I’ll post a weekly update on my progress, along with a weigh in to keep me on track. I will be using the scales at the gym, so I’m not sure how accurate they will be. I’ll attempt to post a couple of times a week outside of the weigh-ins. Keep me in your thoughts when you workout each week, and remember this is when we get stronger, when we think we can’t keep going!

Lean on Him to get through this

I’ve started another chapter on this journey of weight loss. I’m refocused on what I need for my body and mind. As I’ve posted recently, I will be participating in the Biggest Loser contest at my gym, and in order to get my mind and body ready for fighting, I mean competing, I am working out an average of 2 hours a day right now, and will be moving into a 4 hours a day, 6 days a week regimen. Tonight while in my group class, Body Combat we were about 45 minutes into class and I was feeling the pain, I was feeling the excuses creep up into my head as to why I wasn’t able to keep going, but then Jennifer, my instructor, reminded me of the “No excuses” tag line from this season’s biggest loser and I immediately began to feel inspired! I was punching as hard as I could with all the pain I began to feel and realized how I could get through it. I began to feel the strength come back into me and know that this is what I had to do. I had to lean on God.

I want to tell you that when you aren’t able to believe in yourself, lean on God. Rely on the knowledge that He can get you through pain, discouragement, and any roadblocks in your way. Release the excuses to God and allow yourself to succeed.

It's back on!

Well hello there Internets! I’ve been absent from posting for some time now, and I apologize for this. Working out has been pretty consistent, except for the last month now. The holiday bulge took over for sure in my life. I had to make my family a priority and put myself on the back burner, and that’s just not a healthy mind set. How do we find a balance of family and self in the time of busyness and ciaos? Well, it’s obvious I did not find the solution to that this year. But, I’m back to refocus myself and find the answers for my life.

For almost 8 months now I have been trying to conceive a child, and at the same time maintain and/or lose weight. I’ve prayed over and over this, and slowly have come to a conclusion that I need to release all control over to God and focus myself and allow him to give me the gift of life when he allows. In this moment of clarity I realized that I need to find more accomplishment in my goals as well. So, I’ve decided to partake again in the Biggest Loser Contest at my local gym. I’ve also decided that I am going to win! This isn’t just a way to motivate myself, but a way to find the finish line in something I have started. I did amazing losing weight these past 2 years, but it’s not the big finish yet. I want a big finish, and I want a confetti moment! So, I’m taking it on! I need to finish this journey and I need to know the person I can become! Join me in 2012 for a new self, a new life, and new way of thinking!

This won’t be the same old weight lose journey either. I have to incorporate the reality of our family situation. I will struggle with a tight financial budget, many stressors along the daily grind, a growing child, and duties inside and outside of the home. I am going to find a way to bring my stockpile and couponing lifestyle into my journey, and find ways to have the entire family involved in my activities. This is not just about me anymore! I’m welcoming 2012 with open arms!

100 pound milestone!

Current Weight: 232.5
Total weight loss = 100.5 pounds!

WOW, I did it - I lost 100 pounds. It feels so good to know that I went from my heaviest weight and lowest point mentally to this amazing feeling in my life now. Now, I am by no means finished here! I'm not even in wonderland yet (in the 100 pounds range). I have work to do, and I have to keep it at a slow and steady pace. My primary goal at the moment is not to lose a huge amount of weight actually - I am in the process of trying to get pregnant you see, and my body needs to learn to maintain now in order to be ready for a 9 month change! I'm so exhilarated to have reached this goal before becoming pregnant, and feel so ready to take on the next phase.

Here are some of my goals to keep me going every day...
I will keep exercising like a mad-woman!
I won't over-indulge in food and junk!
I will keep a healthy and low budget meal plan for my family.
I won't over-eat due to stress!
I will find outlets for my emotions!
I won't forget to stretch!
I will run a 5K in 2012!
I won't let pain get in my way!
I will love myself!
I won't criticize myself if I make a mistake!
I will keep on fighting!

Photo of Me (on the left) and my Workout Buddy Candice

Here are some of the ways I hope to keep going in my exercise...
The gym: I of course don't see any reason I'd ever give up my passion for exercise, and that passion is strong when it comes to my group classes. Zumba, Body Combat, and Body Pump are 3 of the main ways I burn calories and keep my body moving for an hour or more each day!

Everyday life: I have a 3 year old, so let's face it I'm always on my feet! I take walks, many, many walks to the park, the library, or just around our town. I work in the yard, chase the dog, and kick a ball around! We go hiking, or trail walking often. Special days include trips to the Zoo or OMSI, or any other amazing children's activities we have in our great Pacific NW! We love farmer's markets, and work in our church gardens. I'm always cleaning something in our house, climbing the stairs, or just plan scrubbing! I rarely stop, and that's all before I make it the gym in the evening!

The Future: I hope to be pregnant soon, and that comes with complications to weight loss and extreme exercise. Of course with a normal pregnancy you can do just about the same routine as before, but as many of you know I won't be having a normal pregnancy. Due to my previous pregnancy I will be watched very closely, as well as have a low impact rule applied to me for exercise. My plan already includes adding in water Zumba once a week, and with my increased weight loss since the doc since last saw me I'm hoping I will be able to keep up on a moderate level of Body pump (weight lifting) and some Zumba and Combat. If all else fails, I'll just sit on a bike, walk on a treadmill, and use the elliptical as much as I can to keep active and healthy!

BRING ON THE NEXT STEP OF WEIGHT LOSS!

100 pounds lost.....almost

I am 1.5 pounds away from losing my first 100 pounds! It feels like it's taken me forever to reach this goal, and that I could have done it at a faster rate, but I know I wouldn't have learned what I have learned in the last year and half! I want to celebrate this milestone in my life somehow and I am here to ask you readers what should I do!? I do NOT want food involved, and I DO want activity involved. What would you do if you reached a goal that you never thought possible? How would you celebrate in your life? Who would you tell, and who would you thank? I'm going to tell everyone, and God is who I will thank first! Not only do I pray before all my workouts, but I also feel empowered by the word of God when I am struggling with weight loss. This support has given me great guidance in life. My husband is who gives me support and validation whenever I need it most. He gives me so much time to do what I need to do for my health, and though he's had to make many sacrifices for it we are better for it! The instructors and trainers at my gym motivate, encourage, teach, and train me for all that I need on a daily basis. I've developed great friendships with many of them, as well as many of the other members in my classes. This journey is in no way over, but the road looks much shorter then it use to. I've been so blesses to have developed a love and passion for exercise and health, one that I never thought would come upon me.

1 and half more pounds to a huge benchmark, then 80 more to go! Yes, 80 MORE pounds to lose. I may not get to that right away, but it's a long term plan! So, tell me what will I do to celebrate this huge accomplishment!?

Pain is only temporary!

Yesterday I had my double class day at the gym, and this morning I am feeling the results of those 2 hours! I had such a difficult time during those 2 hours. The little devil on my shoulder just kept telling me how nice it was outside and that I should go home and spent it with my family, eat dinner and don't worry about your workout today. But, I knew it wasn't the real me talking. I knew I needed to be in the class and focused. I still compare myself to the other people in the gym when I'm there. I hate that I do this, but it's inevitable when you have spent most of your life doing this behavior. I can easily look at a picture of myself now without cringing and see the amazing results of all my hard work, but at the same time I look at myself in the mirrors along the wall of the group X classroom and I see the work I still need to do. I see flabby arms and thighs, and abs that still aren't sucked in all the time, and I feel the pain my knees and feet have been through from being over weight overtime. I know this can be counterproductive, but in the middle of an intense workout in can also motivate me. I can't let that devil on my shoulder get me away from my goals. I have to remind myself that less then 6 months ago I still struggles in these classes, and now I am up front working it out with all the "skinny" girls!

When I woke up this morning my body hurt everywhere. My toes hurt, my butt from 145+ lunches and 14.5 pound squat lifts, my shoulders hurt from push-ups and numerous other exercises, but then as I drank my coffee and watched the latest episode of Extreme Makeover: weight loss edition I realized the pain is only temporary, the transformation is not! I am so blessed to have the people in my life who are there every day to help me get through this transformation. My husband and all of my family, the amazing instructors and trainers at the gym, and so many of my new friends at the gym all support me 100% every time I walk into that gym!

Accountability

Well I haven't been posting on here as much as I use to, and mostly it's due to staying focused on the gym and family life. But, I do need to still keep my accountability to everyone who is watching. I'm at the lowest weight I've been since starting college, and feel great. But, I'm not done! So I need to keep on focusing on new techniques and ways to make the pounds come off. I don't have any answers to this yet, but welcome suggestions. I do, however, want to update you on what's been going on with me lately.

Gym life -
Monday through Friday I am in the gym anywhere between 1 hour to 3 hours each day, depending on the day. I have some awesome new shoes that I got for my birthday that are great for the workouts I am primarily doing (cross training). I also got the Zumba for the Wii game for those days when I can't make it to the gym (vacations or Saturdays). My workouts include, Zumba, Body Pump, Body Combat, and frequently some elliptical and sit-ups. In order to keep treating any knee and shoulder pains I have to do stretching 3 times a day and really keep my body flexible and out of any stiffness that I encounter a lot after a workout.

Diet Life -
Well, food around here isn't the best. We decreased our food budget almost by half to save money and I did so with couponing. But, the down side to this is that stores do not coupon produce. So, the amount of fresh foods has decreased in our diet lately. I use a lot of frozen veggies though to supplement, and have added vitamins to make sure we do not lose out on an nutrients. I have also been taking a potasium pill once a day to help with water retention and muscle cramping.

Goals -
With the use of a lot of pantry items and freezer foods now my goal is to cook almost 100% from scratch (likely 90%) and keep our sodium levels low. I'm hoping to grow some of my own vegetables too, but unfortunately I won't get to do a whole garden as I'd hoped to do. I am also trying to lose about 1 pounds a week for the summer. This is a super realistic goal for me, considering all the BBQs we have and possibility of eating out that happens in the summer time.

I am hoping to become pregnant by the end of the summer, so at that time this blog will become about maintaining weight and eating a low sodium diet, along with low impact exercises. If I do not become pregnant by the Fall then I will change the weight goals and continue to lose weight.

Quick Check in

Well I haven't been updating a lot, and really do not have any real reason as to why. The inspiration isn't there anymore to write, I'm just focused and working hard all the time. I am trying to find some more ideas to keep all the motivation and inspiration going for you and myself. I recently saw a sport injury doctor because I have been battling with knee pain for about 2 months and started having shoulder pain too. After a complete check-up without any scans or x-rays it appears I only need to stretch better! I have very tight calf muscles and an old injury to my shoulder has caused some remolding to the area that will need some extra TLC and stretching.

Since beginning Body Pump about 4 weeks ago I've been watching my body transform. I've lost some pounds and my waist, arms, and shoulders are really changing. I am not seeing a lot of change in my butt or legs, so I will need to focus more there.

My Current weight is 236, which means I've lost 6 pounds since March. Not a huge lose, but still a lose. Since my diet has change so much back into a very budget friendly one I've had to reteach myself how to portion control high fat foods (because unfortunately high fat foods are less expensive). I'm learning more tenchniques on cooking completely from scratch as well, which is helping lower sodium levels and allowing me to have more control over what goes into my body.

Hoping for new cross trainer shoes for my 30th birthday! Watch for stretching/yoga moves to help with muscles pain along with some diet and health posts.

They just don't get it

I had someone tell me I couldn't have something the other day because I'm on a diet (trying to joke with me). But, I just rolled my eyes and said it's a life style change. But what this really brought to the forefront of my mind is that some people just don't get it in life. Not just this person, but so many people who tell me they are "proud" of me but don't even know me. Yeah sure I lost of a lot of weight, and still have a whole heck of a lot of weight to loose, but I didn't do this for a number. I do what I do day in and day out because I am making a change in my lifestyle. I am becoming a more balanced, happier, and healthier person! I don't eat amazingly low calorie diet foods, I don't starve myself, and I do lead an active lifestyle!

Defeating my Weight is about defeating the stigma of obesity! I have amazing endurance, stamina, and strength, but the numbers say I'm still obese. Who cares! I work out now not only to lose weight, but because I enjoy it! I enjoy the competition that I set up in my head, staying focused, and the release of stress that the 2 hours a day at the gym gives me.

There are plenty of times I do restrict myself from eating something, especially when I was doing the biggest loser contest at my gym, but it's not about a complete restriction - it's about moderation. Maybe I've eaten great all day, and have a slice of cake in evening, that's ok! Maybe I didn't eat so great all day, so I don't eat that cake. That's ok too!

I am happy, I am healthier, and on my way to having the body I want and am in control of!

Jullian Michales Weight Loss tip...

I have a daily tip that I receive from Jillian Michaels every day on my phone and I wanted to share today's tip with you!

"It's always important to be honest with yourself about how much your relationships are really affecting your attempts to lead a healthier life. Many people blame their partner, for example, when they themselves should take on more responsibility. It's easy to blame someone else when you don't make it to the gym in the morning, but is it really that person's fault? If you have a clear goal, your motivation and determination must come from within - not from an outside source. The support of your loved ones in invaluable, but those who always lean on someone else to motivate them will never succeed."

Take this to heart in your goals and learn something from what she is telling us. It's important to lean on yourself more then others and build your confidence in ways that no one else can do for yourself.

Changing the Whole Person!

As I look back at my weight loss journey I notice such an amazing change in myself, and it made me think that many people who are just beginning their journey or maybe are in the middle of it but haven’t changed need to begin to recognize the triggers and emotions that have caused us to be obese and out of shape. This is one of the many reasons why I watch the Biggest Loser on TV, because they don’t just focus on the outside – exercise and diet, but on the emotions and the situations that put us in the position in the first place. It’s so important to begin to look inward at yourself and begin to reexamine your personality and lifestyle when embarking on major weight loss.

I have a difficult time recognizing what has changed in me and what needs to be changed, though I can easily look at others and see what they need to work on. Isn’t that so true for so many of us? But, this blog is not about me telling you what needs to change, it’s about telling you what I have changed. One thing that comes to my mind is that I’ve chosen not take the easy way out. I work hard every day and stay focused on weight loss 24/7. I have my slip ups and many temptations around me, and for that I pay in slowing my journey down. There are no short cuts in weight loss. I believe whole heartily that gimmicks do not pay off in the end. What I’ve experienced through myself, others, and through experts is that counting calories and having a steady exercise plan is what will give you the ultimate success for the long haul.

So what was the easy way out for me? I can make a huge list of tricks I have learned through my yo-yo diet career. Some of them may work for some people for a quick fix and maybe even for a lifestyle change, but they sure did not help me. My easy way out in life before this journey began was the drive-thru, take-out, and choosing not to prepare my own food. Ultimately not seeing what went into preparing my food gave me a free pass not to care about what I was ingesting. You can eat at Subway, Chipotle, or any other healthy food franchise, but take charge of what you are eating. Watch what they put on your food; know the portion of sauces and ingredients that go into your meal. Just by adding cheese and mayo to your 6 inch sub could equal the calorie count of a whole other sub! When I began my journey I did not choose to stop eating out because of my diet, it was purely because of finances. I love to eat out and it took me a long time to realize that home cooking is so much more rewarding and fulfilling then anything I can get at a restaurant. The easy way out for me also structured around asking others to do things for me that I could do for myself, and I still struggle with this selfish behavior. Ultimately, I believe that I will conquer these problems. I left cooking up to my husband (who already had a strenuous day at work) and most of the time didn’t care for our home. A lot of these issues arose for me during my stretch of depression, and coming out of the behaviors really was the starting point for coming out of the depression.

So many people lose weight and gain weight over and over again in their life, but never choose to examine their personality and the causes and triggers of their weight gain. Many of us have to completely makeover out personalities and our bodies before the transformation can be complete and maintained for the long haul. I had to come out of my depression and selfishness to find a place where I could succeed, and have to work on changing those deeply ingrained traits on a daily basis. Some people have to focus on guilty emotions or an arrogant disposition, and others may have to gain strength and courage in them to conquer their long journey of weight loss. You will not succeed at something as important and difficult as weight loss if you do not completely change yourself inside and out.

Keeping Motivated!!!

I took today off from the gym and apparently my body decided to take a day off from feeling good too. I haven't been eating the best this past week, and felt like it was a layover from poor eating during the weekend beach trip. I'm trying to refocus my mind and body, but there is something holding me back. I am fighting the green eyed monster all over again, and need to find the power button on my body again. I'm tired of feeling like each day is an up hill battle. I just wish I could find a comfortable place in the journey and ride the wave for a little while.

I am retaining water very badly today and could account for it being poor diet and sore muscles, but it feels even more like my body is screaming at me for the choices I was making. I need to sit back and regulate myself again. No more extra snacking, no more night time treats because I'm under my calorie goals, and certainly no more excuses. Part of this journey is to retrain myself into not falling off the wagon every time I reach a goal. I can not celebrate with food. I need to celebrate with praise to my hard work and realize that my reward is the healthy body in the end.

What's Next?

I have so much to say about the last 9 weeks, and even more about the next 9 weeks in my life. Not only have I experienced myself feeling amazing, energized, happy, and completely proud of my abilities, but I have accomplished so much in the past year I never would have thought possible in my abilities. I did not win the Biggest Loser Contest, and don’t even know how close I came to winning (working on finding out though). I was disappointed at first (maybe I still am a little) but I truly know that I gained so much from the experience. I’ve gained knowledge and strength, but the most that I’ve gained is the drive and the desire to keep going.

While on a short vacation this weekend, I stepped away from the meal plans, the calorie counting, and the gym. But, I did not step away from the mentality. I did sit-ups and yoga, worked out to a couple of exercise videos, and did not choose to over indulge in large amounts of food and drinks. My core beliefs stayed intact, and that I am proud of. At the same time though I was away from my home, my comfort zone, and did not take count of what I was eating. That being said I need to refocus myself and remember the goals I set forth for myself. I have always said I did not want to restrict myself in life, or cause others to make changes for me due to my needs, so in that I am happy to have had a weekend of fun. Now it is back to the grind stone and working hard at the gym and home.

Next Goals for coming weeks include:
- Get a new scale!
- Lose 12 pounds (the amount I need to make it to 100 pounds lost)
- Go down 1 pant size and fit into a new pair of jeans!

The Final Push...of the contest

During the middle of the Biggest Loser Contest I began to feel as though I wasn't in a contest and that my body just wasn't going to perform the way I wanted it to in a short period of time. But, these last 2 weeks I pushed my body further then I had been and realized that I want to win this contest more then anything right now. I want to feel the joys of victory, and know that my efforts are recognized. As I'm writing this I am close to tears, because I know how hard I've worked and it means something to me in the end weather I win the contest or not. But, at the same time not winning may bring on a sense of doubt upon myself.

I have been taking Zumba and Body combat twice a week each for almost the entire time of the contest, and have felt the change in my body from these classes. Outside of group exercise I take the Biggest Loser Fitness class where the trainers put us through a rigid routine of weight training, cardio, and serious calisthenics. When I'm working out alone I put myself through the same routines, run on the elliptical as fast as I can for as long as I can (usually 30-45 min) and at the end of each day my body is screaming in agony from the rigorousness of those exercises.

I am praying today, exercising, and watching everything that I may eat or drink. This is the end of a short journey, but not the end of my journey. Please have me in your thoughts today and into tomorrow morning as I pray that this prize is there for me.